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Should Love Be The Sole Reason People Get Married?

Question: Should two people who are in love get married because they are in love?

My answer is no. Love should not be the main reason why you get married. Many people make the mistake of getting married because they are in love, which is why when they don’t feel love anymore, their marriage tends to end also.

The reason why you should get married is because you understand God’s purpose for marriage.  And this is where the problem lies. Many people who are getting married have no clue on what is God’s purpose for marriage.

The purpose of marriage is to bring God glory through your daily existence. See, when God created marriage, He knew that there would be non-believers watching . Marriage is the greatest Christian witness on the planet. It is proof that God exist. 

How does it prove that God exist? Well, let me ask you a question- This is especially aimed at the menfolk… If it were not a sin to have multiple sexual relations with women, would you do it? I am sure a majority of you said, “YES!”  It is normal sin nature for men to want to desire sexual relations with other women. I dare say the same applies to women. See, marriage goes against our natural sinful instinct to have multiple relationships.  This I why God created the institution of marriage. It was designed to set his followers apart from the other false religions.

I hear some of you saying, “Well Doc, people in the Old Testament had numerous wives and concubines.” YES! You are absolutely correct. However, just because they did those things does not mean that God approved of their behavior. God overlooked their ignorance for a season. But eventually you don’t see multi-partner relationships in the Bible, especially the New Testament.

So here is the point I want everyone to learn about marriage… There is a purpose for marriage and there are rules for marriage. If you decide to get married, make sure you understand its purpose and the rules you are agreeing to abide by. 

The first rule of marriage requires you to be committed to staying faithful to your partner until the end. Just as Christ has been faithful to you, you should also be faithful to your spouse.  Just as Christ never abandoned you, you should never abandon your spouse. 

There are four areas of  in which you must be faithful to never abandon:

  1. Emotional- Never emotionally abandon your spouse by not showing affection, kindness, or love.

    Ephesians 4:32 “Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you.”

  2. Verbal- Never verbally abandon your spouse by giving them the silent treatment or the cold-shoulder. Also, never ever verbally abuse them by yelling at them or calling them names.

    Ephesians 4:29 “Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear.”

  3. Sexual- Never refrain from having sexual intercourse with your spouse. The Bible is clear, if you deprive each other of sex, you open the door for satan to come in and destroy your marriage.

    1st Corinthian 7:5 “Do not deprive each other of sexual relations, unless you both agree to refrain from sexual intimacy for a limited time so you can give yourselves more completely to prayer. Afterward, you should come together again so that Satan won’t be able to tempt you because of your lack of self-control.”

  4. Financial– Never stop providing for the needs of your spouse. Your family is your main priority. We have always been taught that this is the husband’s role to be the provider, but the Bible never said so. The Bible says it’s the responsibility of both spouses to care and provide for the needs of their family.

    1st Timothy 5:8 “Anyone who does not provide for their relatives, and especially for their own household, has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever.”

The second rule of marriage is that both spouses must understand that marriage requires self sacrifice. Each partner must sacrifice who they are for the sake of the marriage. This means, you may not be able to do certain things that you want to do, go places that you want to go, or work places you want to work. 

Did you know that the sacrifices we make in marriage is a mirror image of our relationship with Christ. When we came to Christ, what were we required to do? We were to put off the old man with its desires. We were empowered by the Holy Spirit to walk in willful obedience to the law of Christ. We crucify our flesh daily. Well, marriage is just a physical expression of what our relationship with Christ looks like.

No one should get married unless they are willing to abide by these rules. If you are not ready to abide by the rules and purposes of marriage, then no matter how much love you feel, I don’t recommend that you get married.  Marrying for love turns marriage into an arbitrary event. It has no true meaning or purpose. This is why as Christians we must learn about God’s purpose for marriage, and the rules that He has set in place for married couples to abide by.

Once you believe you have matured in your understanding of marriage, then and only then should you get married. And it goes without saying that BOTH individuals should be on the same page. A Godly marriage only works if BOTH individuals are willing to play by His rules.

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